I'm In Love... With Me

As I mentioned, today I locked myself out of my room, being the genius that I am. Of course, that also means a $1 fee to my don. Hopefully that's the last time it happens, or I will be broke soon enough.

I sat in the lounge, flipping through each and every channel, unable to find anything that interested me in the slightest. Oddly enough, a girl (not from the building) comes into the room, and sits, waiting for another guy in the building. And we talk.

Decent-looking (and Asian American), ridiculously intelligent (I would probably classify her as a genius), well-spoken (I think English is her first language), and loves to play video games, especially role playing ones. We talked about her accomplishments, her goals, lots of stuff. And we talked about her personal life.

It turns out she has had 3 boyfriends in 3 weeks (to be more clear... 3 ex-boyfriends). One of them did not attend the school (she met him online in one of the games she played). The other two... she started going out with them within days of meeting each of them. Naturally, I asked how this could happen.

To be honest, I got the answer I expected. She said she falls in "liking" (she was careful enough to not use the word "love" at any point, which one has to appreciate, I suppose) and out of "liking" very quickly.

But my guess is there's more. She keeps hanging out with her ex-es (weird, huh?), and has constantly been trying to visit this guy in our building (which is how I ran into her in the first place, other than the fact that she recognizes me from the Advanced Computer Science class we take together even though I didn't recognize her). I think it's just that we all want to be loved. For some of us, that involves flirting to get that kind of affection. I know I've been a victim of that before.

And I know that I've been a perpetrator. One of my best friends once told me I was a flirt. Of course, she was saying it in a friendly manner, and it was I who brought up the question in the first place. She tried to rationalize it by saying I was just being friendly and whatnot, but it made me wonder. And I guess this conversation today brought it back up. Maybe we just want to be loved.

Maybe I just want to be loved.

Growing Up

I locked myself out of my room. Whoops.

Will cost me a dollar to get it open.



Responsibility, it's a thing you want until you get it. Doing laundry when you have to. Eating healthily. Making sure you have your keys when you leave the room (whoops...). Showing up to every class, because no one will tell you to show up. Handing in assignments on time. Keeping up with readings.

It's so much in such a short time.

Stepping Back

Maybe I'm too invested in everything. Maybe I just need to take a step back.

So Won't You Hold Me?

He's there, even when I fail.

When I'm not enough.
When all I have is him.
When I'm true.
When I'm hidden.

When It's Right

Sometimes, we just... know that it is time to move on. Maybe it was never a good fit in the first place. Maybe the welcome wore out. We just want to have the best for everyone, to spare the future pain with present sacrifice.

But, you know, in the end, what is best will hopefully come together. It is what we hope for.

Chinese Church

Today, I attended a Chinese Church (it's actually Cantonese, but there's an English service, so it's not such a big deal). It was okay... the music was rusty (but it's a small church, and the younger kids were running it since most of the uni students are just getting back), and the pastor clearly was not extremely comfortable in English.

I'm not exactly sure what I'm looking for, but maybe a Chinese Church isn't the right thing for me. Chinese churches tend to be uptight and more traditional... I love hymns and whatnot, but I just don't fit that mold I suppose. Not a bash against these churches... they are great at serving their purpose, but maybe it's something I have to extend beyond.

One day, I'll find the perfect place to call my home church.

Finding Tight Friends

It's been such a blessing. I guess school-based Christian friends was something I never had an opportunity to experience. It is fortunate that I met a few of them prior to leaving this year, and they've really been a blessing so far.

As for a church, I haven't found one yet (naturally), but I will make attempt number one today (Sunday). Wish me luck!

So far, it's been a hot, busy, week. I can't believe I'm saying this... but I really want classes to start. Yes, I'm a bit crazy in the head.

Today, we went to the farmer's market and got some groceries. Fun stuff.

Sorry for the abbreviated and off-the-wall post... I just lack so much sleep.